Note: Some of this feels really personal. I expose my heart and soul to all of you and I hope you respect that.
I love sweat! It is so incredibly cleansing.
I don’t just love sweat for its detoxification. I love it because it’s so ridiculously human. Like hairy legs, smelling after a few days without a shower, collecting dirt underneath our fingernails. Sure it may be a little gross. But that’s what we are.
Sweat is raw. It’s pure, like a human untainted from what is socially accepted.
Sweat is naked.
As we should be.
Have you ever experienced listening to words that were so spot-on what you needed to hear, it was unreal? Today I did.
I thank sweat for the opportunity to hear it(and God for sending the words through good ol’ pastor Daryl). Yesterday’s yoga class was HOT and seriously sweaty. It opened me up so much, physically, mentally and emotionally. I can’t even explain how much energy is flowing through me. My chakras as aligned and ridiculously open and man it feels amaaazing!! My heart chakra (anahata) was completely opened yesterday. I just feel so connected and in love with everything! For those of you who don’t know, a chakra is an energy center, we have seven major ones.
The yoga practice and sweat opened me up to hear what I was about to. It gave me the peace and awareness that allowed me to process it so fully. –Ah, man, I wonder if you can tell that I’m still riding on yesterday’s endorphins 😉 It’s brilliant(as long as I can have both the strength to eat along with the high.)
Well this morning, daryl began with a the image of a child. A sweet innocent girl, unafraid to act as she felt. She never put up a front, she wasn’t ashamed to dance during worship and to ask others to dance with her. Children don’t hold back. They’re humble. They’re human. They’re naked.
Followed by a story of a disordered guy whose only concern in the world was pop. He was willing to sell anything in his possession for two dollars so that he could by a pop. Daryl wished sometimes that he could have his only worry in the world to be evolved around pop. How simple, how sweet, how little stress he would have to face.
Next came the image of elderly in a nursing home. Confessions of how he sometimes wished he could live in a place like that. What if he could only trade all of his troubles to live in a place where everything was taken care of for him. As if they had no struggles of their own.
The desire to take their place based on the fact that their lives are so simple, straight forward and “unstressful” fails to acknowledge their struggles. The disorder of the man and the health/independence/aging of the elderly, not to mention their personal struggles. Of course Daryl knew that their lives were not perfect, in fact, they probably had more struggles and pain than he did. And that was his point. Why is it that we glorify everyone’s life but our own? Do we gain anything from feeling like we have it worse?? Do we simply enjoy self pity??It’s all a part of the comparison game. We yern for what we do not have.
In his words, we grapple for the things we can’t have.
He talked about Eden, about Adam and Eve and about the fall of man. Personaly, I think the story in Genesis is more about the lessons God is trying to tell us than it is about our actual creaton. God gave them everything, and they were happy. That is, until they started looking towards what they couldn’t have. They were searching for satisfaction in areas outside of themselves, in things that were not ment for them despite the perfection they had already been given. Thus, came the fall of man. There is so much to be learned from the story. God warned them. He didn’t stop them from eating the fruit but he did say that bad would come from it. He provided everything they needed and more. God showed us what a healthy lifestyle is. Nakedness, contentment, company. It’s simple. As Daryl said, when we start to grapple for things we are not ment to have, that’s when we go wrong. Take addictions for example…it’s the unsatisfaction in what we already have that leads to searching, searching for something more. Are the effects of meth good? Sure, they may feel “good” for a bit, maybe provide a bit of an escape, whatever gain it may provide is fake, it’s wrong and it’s no where near as satisfying as the happiness that is already right in front of us….if we will grab it.
- Looking back now I see that I sought to be pure, unearthly, “holy” you could say. A being that is so much more than the flesh, unaffected by the confusion that consumes society. I wanted wisdom, freedom. Oh freedom. I wanted strength above all things. There was something about pushing the limits of the physical that in turn pushed the limits of the spiritual. And I pushed too far. In trying to escape the confusion, I fell directly into it. Because I was searching for something I already had. The healthy lifestyle I was already well on my way to living, the wisdom I was unfolding in my own mind. I forgot to be content. I was already a being that was more than flesh. I don’t think there is anything wrong for aspiring towards these qualities but it all depends on where and how you search. I can push the physical limits, but there is a healthy way to do so. Adam and Eve could eat fruit, by all means, they were given the best fruit in abundance, but they chose to seek the fruit of the destructive tree. They grappled in what they could not have. We all fell.
In the beginning, they were naked. “Not the naked that makes junior high boys giggle, and grown men gaze down at their feet“-Daryl. They were exposed, they had no secrets. Who they were was raw. They were simply human and were not ashamed. They definitely didn’t wear any deodorant to cover up their stank 😉 haha, but on a more serious note, they just didn’t have anything to hide. But when they fell, they tried to cover themselves. They hid. This only pulled them further away from God and further into their own destruction.
- I believe the first step of my healing was exposure. I unveiled everything. To all of you and to everyone, I even tell strangers flat-out if I get a curious look. This blog was probably my biggest tool in putting everything out in the table. But I also speak my thoughts. Within my own head, things can spin like crazy and it goes no where, when I voice it, even without a response, I gain perspective. I don’t hold my thoughts in and let them pull me farther from who I am supposed to be. I throw them out there. I get naked. We’re all only human after all. One of my favorite lines is, you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. Sorry to say, but we’re not original.
Then God created Eve. He said, “It’s not good for man to be alone“. Yes, some alone time is healthy. But we need socialization. We need someone else to keep us grounded. There is a reason for community.
- I made support for myself. Yes, God blessed me in the people he put in my life. But I could have easily withdrawn and shut myself away with Ed. I am on my own in this fight but that doesn’t mean I don’t have people to lean on. Someone to give me water when all the running makes me thirsty. But I had to ask. How could I expect someone to give me water and be there if I never told them I was running the race or that I was indeed, thirsty?
Love and community are gifts, but we do have to give of ourselves to receive them. It is not good for man to be alone. It is not good for man to hide and it’s not good for man to seek nourishment from the tree and the fruit that will destroy us. We already have what we need, we know it too. We need to learn how to sit with ourselves, with God, in the garden that he has given to us and accept its beauty, our own beauty. We need to act out in love, take advantage of the partners God has surrounded us with and be the most that we can be. We should test ourselves, that’s how we grow. However, we need to keep in sight what is healthy, noble, true and beautiful.
We need to be content, we need to get naked, we need to embrace community.
We need to cleanse ourselves and open ourselves up to all that is around us and all that we are.
We need to become like little children.
We need to be unafraid of all that is raw and human inside of us.
We need to sweat. Yes ladies, without deodorant.
Just another human out there stumbling my way through this beautiful garden.
If you read this far, I’m impressed and thank you. This was loooonngg! lol, I even for bored proofreading. Phew!!