Why not now?

Once again, I find myself stuggling with the issues of the rest of the world. As a senior in high school, the questions of my future couldn’t be more pressing.

So pressing that they have woven themselves into my life as of right now. With that, has come the realization that this is not a question about college, senior year, or academics. This is a question about life.

I’m not sure what I want to do, where I want to go, who I want to grow up to be.

And that is OK. I don’t have to know, how could I? I’m 17 and besides that, do we ever really know? no, we’re always growing always changing and that is a beautiful thing.

But there are a few things that I do know.

I know that I need to be active, thriving, and spending my time thoroughly emmersed in my passions and adventure.

I may end up at a university

my major? nutrition, i.e. sports nutrition, journalism, philosophy, outdoor leadership??? I don’t know.

maybe cycling for a college team 🙂

I may end up staying close to home, or going far away. I may go off on the NOLS program (Praying, hoping o so much for this!) 

I may go into the peace corps.

I’m not sure about any of this.

But what it has made me realize is that I am NOT ok with putting my live aside and working for something so that I could potentially have a fullfilling life in the future.

the time to be living fully is now.

And so I have become aware that I am not ok with my life as it stands now. …again…. yes, it is time for yet another re-evaluation. What can I say, I am always changing. Don’t get me wrong. My life is great! Seriously, I am so blessed, I’m surrounded by terrific people, great opportunities and a zesty existance. I have just been forced to look at whether I am living the life that is best for who I am.

I feel pulled in too many directions, spread thin like “butter scrapped over too much bread.”  I know what I want to do. I just want to run, ride my bike, feel connected with the natural world and seek out new experiences. I need to find a sustainable way to do these things. (So I’m not totally irresponsible 😉 )I need to surround myself with people who support my desires and respect them as much as I do.

I know I need a change, I know that I cannot wait.

So I ask you…

not if you know who you are or who you want to become. Not if you know what your future will look like.

But where are you right now? Who are you? and most importantly, are you living fully?

Is the person inside bursting with energy, exitement, desire? Are you content in your sorrows and in your joys? Are you thriving and full of life? Do you feel overwhelmed with love?

Are you happy?

Maybe it’s time for all of us to do a little re-evaluation. Life is much to short to wait for tomorrow. Because Frankly, tomorrow never comes. So we must embrace the beauty of today.


3 responses to “Why not now?

  • Eleanor

    This is so beautifully written.
    Life is too short to waste on things that don’t make us happy – that realisation may only come after you’ve suffered through something potentially life-threatening. You are right in saying that life is too short to wait for tomorrow. What matters most is the here and now, and what we choose to do with that time. Our lives are our own to live, control and make. We can choose left or right, up or down, backward or forward. We have that choice, and deep down, we all know what the right choice is. It’s the choice that brings the most happiness and promise.
    We don’t need to know where we’ll end up – we just need to know that we can do it, that we are able to do it, to make it. The future is unknown, and that is what makes life what it is – a journey into the unknown. Full of promise, full of life, full of happiness and satisfaction.

    We’ll all get there.


  • teenagehealthfreak

    this was a great post! and i feel like i’m living fully now..i was’t until i just got this same feeling as you..i’m the same age…and i dont’ know what the heck i’m going to do from time to time..but i’m like what happens..happens. we’ll worry about tmro…tmro..not now…i have enough worries for today! but great post! 🙂

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