I’m Letting Go

Little did I know, that when I titled this blog Letting go, and holding on, I would be talking about the blog itself. I have come to a point where I need some changes. If you know me, this is no surprise.

I’m moving my site to start a new journey. I’m letting go of this one.

I’m still going to post about my recovery and my progress of that sort here.

But I hope that you will follow me here, to The Road Less Traveled where I will still, write about the same things in the same way with a new intention. You may remember that post I wrote about direction. I hope that this new blog will be a little more along those lines, a little less about recovery and a new chapter in my life. I myself, am moving on. I’m moving away from the old me, away from seventeen. Soon, I will be out there, in the world. I’m not satisfied with the ordinary. So come follow me to the extra-ordinary.


Who to be?

The crazy thing is… Through all of this, I still don’t know exactly what I want out of life. Do we ever???

I’m starting to think we don’t.

I have a good idea, more than most but its really no idea at all.

What to do? where to go? who to be?

It’s the ever-changing question of human life.


I Don’t Want to be Right

Rist Canyon Loop with Sager  10-25-07

(I really like this guy&his photos, I’m thinking maybe I should bring my camera on some rides)

About a quarter of the way up to the beautiful summit that awaits at the top of the treacherous 12 miles of beautiful incline that is rist canyon, I realized that I don’t want to be right.


Because if I was right.

I wouldn’t have made it anywhere on this canyon

I would have gotten a flat tire

I would have run out of water about five minutes into the ride

I would have died before reaching the top of the canyon

I never would have seen a deer (Indeed, I saw many)

I would have frozen to death.

If I was right, everything else would go wrong.

So why would I want to be right? As I spun (slowly) aroung a curve in the road, staring at the beautiful sky and senery around me, I was thinking about all of the possible things that could happen, all of the negatives. I then became 100% aware that I welcomed the chance of being wrong. I kick my own negativity to the dust.

Because if I was right

Every storm would become a tornado or maybe a flood

The toast would always burn

I would never wake up to my alarm clock.

Maybe everyday would be Saturday, as I often find myself waking to the thought of Saturday when the reality is that it is a Tuesday.

Sure there would be positives, optimistic as I am 🙂 Like the tests that would always be a week from “today”. But the truth is that I’m only human. My mind is often jumping to the worst conclusion.

Every mole would be a sign of cancer and every headache would turn into a migrane

The friends that are late would have been killed in an accident on the way.

I would die of boredom or a stubbed toe many times.

So in all honesty, I don’t want to be right. I am okay with being wrong. In fact, I’m often very glad to be wrong. From here on out I may stop pushing to win my side of the arguement and maybe examine the benefit of loosing to someone else who can prove me wrong.

Why not now?

Once again, I find myself stuggling with the issues of the rest of the world. As a senior in high school, the questions of my future couldn’t be more pressing.

So pressing that they have woven themselves into my life as of right now. With that, has come the realization that this is not a question about college, senior year, or academics. This is a question about life.

I’m not sure what I want to do, where I want to go, who I want to grow up to be.

And that is OK. I don’t have to know, how could I? I’m 17 and besides that, do we ever really know? no, we’re always growing always changing and that is a beautiful thing.

But there are a few things that I do know.

I know that I need to be active, thriving, and spending my time thoroughly emmersed in my passions and adventure.

I may end up at a university

my major? nutrition, i.e. sports nutrition, journalism, philosophy, outdoor leadership??? I don’t know.

maybe cycling for a college team 🙂

I may end up staying close to home, or going far away. I may go off on the NOLS program (Praying, hoping o so much for this!) 

I may go into the peace corps.

I’m not sure about any of this.

But what it has made me realize is that I am NOT ok with putting my live aside and working for something so that I could potentially have a fullfilling life in the future.

the time to be living fully is now.

And so I have become aware that I am not ok with my life as it stands now. …again…. yes, it is time for yet another re-evaluation. What can I say, I am always changing. Don’t get me wrong. My life is great! Seriously, I am so blessed, I’m surrounded by terrific people, great opportunities and a zesty existance. I have just been forced to look at whether I am living the life that is best for who I am.

I feel pulled in too many directions, spread thin like “butter scrapped over too much bread.”  I know what I want to do. I just want to run, ride my bike, feel connected with the natural world and seek out new experiences. I need to find a sustainable way to do these things. (So I’m not totally irresponsible 😉 )I need to surround myself with people who support my desires and respect them as much as I do.

I know I need a change, I know that I cannot wait.

So I ask you…

not if you know who you are or who you want to become. Not if you know what your future will look like.

But where are you right now? Who are you? and most importantly, are you living fully?

Is the person inside bursting with energy, exitement, desire? Are you content in your sorrows and in your joys? Are you thriving and full of life? Do you feel overwhelmed with love?

Are you happy?

Maybe it’s time for all of us to do a little re-evaluation. Life is much to short to wait for tomorrow. Because Frankly, tomorrow never comes. So we must embrace the beauty of today.

What is an ending

Monday. I start school tomorrow.

What is it about summer that makes us aspire to get out and do the things we “have always wanted” to, chase after more adventures and act as if finally, we can live? Is it the weather? most likely not. Is it the longer days? we feel like we have more time so maybe. It’s the approaching deadline. There is a definite ending. If your a procrastinator like myself, the sight of a cutoff is the only way things get done. It’s exciting because it doesn’t last. Summer may have reached its end, but my “bucket list” still remains incomplete.


Why is it that we feel we have those short two months to live. The only “deadline” I want in my life is the one in which I stop breathing. Life hasn’t ended because summer has and life didn’t start when summer did. So I will continue life. I’ll keep my summer attitude and I’ll keep crossing things off my bucket list.

Jamie Oliver: Teach Every Child About Food

Jamie Oliver, love him. I can’t say anything more or anything better than he did on this topic but it is a VERY serious and immediate issue. It should not be like this.

Please just open your ears and eyes to this.

True compassion recognizes that all the boundaries we perceive between ourselves and others are an illusion.” -Daily Om

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